By Laura Buddenberg and Kathy McGee
Boys Town Center for Adolescent and Family Spirituality

We’ve all read the headlines: “25-Year-Old Teacher Runs Away with Student.”

Most of us think it could never happen to our kids and our families. But it is happening, all across America, from coast to coast and border to border.

What can parents do to keep their kids safe at school?

First, we must all remember that our children’s teachers really are acting as our “stand-ins” when they are with our kids at school.  That means that although teachers don’t have all the same rights and responsibilities as parents, they should act with “parental-style” boundaries toward our kids.  A teacher’s first priority is the total health and safety of the students in his or her care. This includes not only their physical health, but also their emotional, social, intellectual, and spiritual well-being.

Teachers are not there to be students’ friends.  They are there to instruct, give grades and consequences, and provide safety.  The vast, vast majority of teachers are compassionate and dedicated professionals who would never harm a child.  But there are teachers who have poor boundaries.  They may care too much about being popular with students.  They may fall into the trap of being a “friend” instead of just being “friendly.”  Unfortunately, acting like a child’s peer instead of like a child’s teacher is one of the opening tactics of an abuser.  Here are some warning signs of potential trouble:

• A teacher spends time alone (no other adults are present) with one student or a group of students.  
• A teacher buys gifts for and pays exclusive attention to just one student or a special group of students.
• A teacher talks, dresses, and acts like students.
• A teacher discusses his or her personal life with or in front of students.
• A teacher asks a student inappropriate personal or sexual questions.
• A teacher instant messages, texts, or calls students without notifying parents.
• A teacher has no friends among his or her peers.

None of these signs mean for sure that a predator is at work.  In fact, these situations usually are the result of poor or immature judgment, and things do improve with some discussion and solid direction.  However, if you do notice any of these red flags, here are the next steps you should take:

• Write down your concerns, as well as specific descriptions of what you saw or heard. Include specific dates and times if possible.
• Ask to talk with a school administrator.  Stay calm, describe your concerns, and ask the administrator to let you know of any action taken.
• Talk to your child about what happened and how he or she felt about it. Was your child scared, worried, concerned, or confused?  Share this information with the school administrator.

Remember, no one knows your child like you do and no one loves your child as much as you do.  The best protection we can offer our children is our faithful involvement in their education and a solid awareness of the adults to whom we entrust them.